You are not finished yet, right?

Anyways, I always had my problem with those text adventure "games", this time round I tried on myself and I think I see what I didn't like.

Is it twine that limits you to put your links to the other scenes at the bottom of each scene? I have a long history of administrative work in wikipedia and applied that to how I did my game. I find a long wall of text, short paragraphs just boring and links within the text force me to read at least the sentence if not the whole thing.

Nevermind my rambling, it's a good story you got there, a few sketches or drawings, and background sounds if you can get that into twine (i used howlerjs), you need a scary feeling and we humans react great on scary sounds :)

Thanks ananasblau - much appreciate the feedback. It's my first venture into Twine, so thanks for those suggestions.

No it's not the "final" version, I've just updated my entry now with the entire story..but I have a few hours left for some candy - images and sounds!

And to directly answer your question, no it's not Twine that forces the page / link structure. I grew up on Choose your Own Adventure books, but you're right...these days it's probably better to try and update that type of presentation.

TBH I find the layout options of Twine pretty undesirable in general. If I have time, I'll try to hack up the CSS to create something a little more fetching...

Not bad. Enjoyed the read. Good atmosphere, but I wish you took a little more time to build up to it, to allow the reader to "forget" the 10 seconds thing. Then you drop it on them.

Kind of a generic horror story, though it works pretty well in building the mood without any overtly scary events. The puzzle makes good use of Twine's suitability for adventure game making.

A few typoes: "lept" should be "leapt", "la derniere dix" should be "les dernieres dix" (*I believe*; French isn't my first language), "ton vies" should be "tes vies". "its'" should be "its" (no apostrophe). Also, a fact nitpick: dynamite wasn't invented until the 19th century.


SPOILERS

The ending was very abrupt, and felt rushed.

cool :)

-ENDESGA