Not a bad choose your own adventure. Could've used a few bigger decisions though.

I liked the story.

A solid piece piece overall, but I felt like I could have used a bit more build-up. Going straight from being a little kid to disappointment over over-priced Mexican food to having to make a life-changing decision was a bit jarring. That said, it was well-written, and for the time frame, I thought it was a good showing.

Nice text adventure. I liked the story a lot. Good job.

Its pitty, that it didnt go deeper, because it had a nice story.

Not bad at all!
Nice..

Wow. Wow. I feel bad for choosing <spoiler goes here>.

It was pretty engaging and had a decent amount of content despite the time limit you were under! There was at least one line that repeated itself (though this may have been intentional and I didn't read it correctly!) and at one point I read a sentence that didn't go with the choice I made (but the rest of the page made sense). I would be interested to see more!

Hey I saw your comment on my game, is there a way I can contact you about the things I mentioned? Or is it ok to just post them here? I don't want to give away any spoilers.

I'm not too big on text-adventures, but I did enjoy the story in this one and made it to (one of the) ending(s?) :)

Is this...an HTML-based text adventure? O_O; It felt a little random; jumping from 'cops and robbers' to 'Mexican food' to 'major life-changing decision'...I feel like it would have been better served to develop the main scenario farther...IDK.

So first off I want to say as a game, this is obviously nothing special in the terms of game-play. Now that we got that out of the way, let's talk about the absolutely wonderfully written narrative. As I read through this short story some points actually gave me chills(I'm a bit susceptible to this when it comes to engaging stories lol). I feel like although the story was a bit rushed, it hit on the key points to get me to feel as if the character was real. I'm not sure if the choices I made had any effect, but the story itself was engaging enough that didn't matter much. Nice job!

this was great, you used the theme to great effect. i mean, it's been done before in other games, but i was still very surprised when i wanted to try out the other storylines but couldn't.

the story is perhaps a bit short (took me about 5 minutes), and i don't really understand what the beginning had to do with anything, but i liked it nonetheless. good, sparse prose, just the way i want it.

The story is rather simple, and the writing is kind of... not bad in any way, but not really memorable most of the time. The back story when you're at the Mexican restaurant felt rather verbose. All in all, it felt like a rather standard Twine story.

SPOILER


Then I tried playing it again, and... oh, very nice. I've never seen that done with a Twine game before. You definitely get an extra star on Innovation from me. (I'd still like to go back and see how other choices would have panned out. But heck, such is life.)

Mh hard to say what I really think about that without sounding too harsh.
First off, nice take on the story. My second attempt at the game really freaked me out a bit.

That being said, it felt kinda displaced with the choices you had to make turning out to be futile regarding the end of the game. The last decision was tough, and I would have loved to see more coming out of it. As of now, you are not quite sure wether it was a right decision, wether you turn out to be happy with it or wether you maybe turn out to regret it. Could be much deeper.

It could be a nice story, but somehow it just didn't get to me too much. I'm sorry to say that, I'd have loved it for the story to really get into me and make me think. I'd have loved for the story to shuffle up my day leaving me pondering about it all day long, and a few days after that, like a dream that just really gets into you. I guess the story has kind of potential for this to happen, but maybe it's just the short timeframe of the compo to not end up being that.

So yeah, good take on the theme, overall a nice experience (don't worry, no bad points here), and special points for the potential it might have. If you wanna keep doing these storys, please please put everything into it that you can give, plus more. I want these storys to phase me out of my every day live.

Strega:
Nice to see a text adventure in the mix of all the ludum games. It's good to play something emotional every once in a while. I wish I had more choices in some events, but I understand the time constraint.

(This is a team account)

Damn, I wanted to play it again to get another ending but that's some very strict application of the theme xD. It's cool. Enjoyed the story anyways.

I'm not a big fan of the genre, but this one is well done :)

Yeah, you have a good thing going on there! :D

great to see a twine game where I can't predict the outcome at first screen. I get that you were going for butterfly effect in the beginning, but at least some foreshadowing would work better. also, I really like how it's written. btw, how did you make go back one page not to work?

you clever bastards.

Pretty engaging text adventure. I liked how you've incorporated the theme in the (rather difficult) choices that the player will have to make and I really loved the fact you only get one playthrough.

I liked this very much :) I kinda expected the 'one-playthrough' thing, but I enjoyed it anyways.

Would like to know what would have happened if I made other choices, but I guess that's how life works.